here is her responce- her feelings toward my mom are brand new to me, i had no idea
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I know that things are hard right now and trust me i wish with all of my heart that i could fix it all and make it better but the truth is that i can't. I am so sorry for all that you and Daddy have to go through trust me it is eating me up inside that i am not over there with you guys however the truth is that i can't be.

i think this is harder for you because you and her had a connection and relationship that i never had i feel like i never really had a mom and i have always hated her and it has taken me so long to get over all of the anger and issues i have because of her and unfortunatly that night was proof that i can't handle being near her.

I am sorry if i worried you that night i didn't mean to and honestly please know that at home in my real every day life here i don't act like that or drink that much and when i do drink it is in a safe controled environment.

I know what you mean when you say that your living in hell because i have been there i spent so much of my life feeling that way and yet once i was out on my own it all suddenly became so much easier and different. sure i miss you guys and i have days were i just want to curl up and cry and give up but overall the freedom of being away from that hell has saved my life because i wasn't going to last much longer if you all hadn't moved to arizona.

please just know that no matter what we do have eachother and i will never do anything to put myself in a situation that i think will harm me or take me away from you. and please be strong and know that things will get better.

life is hard i won't lie to you and tell you that it's easy and it is always great but it gets better. do what makes you happy and cling to those people in your life that you love and that you can trust. i love you so much and want to much for you i just hope that you keep the strength to achieve it all.

i wish i could give you advice on what to do or how to make it easier but i can't. she is my biggest weakness and my biggest downfall the hurt and anger that i carry towards her just grows and eats me up and destroys me as a person my only saving grace is to be away from her and unfortunatly that doesn't even completely fix it and that means being away from the people that i also love the most.

but no matter what i'm here for you and hopefully soon something will change because i think all of us are at our breaking points just remember that you are never ever alone and you never will be.