It really is. Last night my middle child couldn't sleep so I left it to my H to sort out as I was really tired. I feel asleep for awhile and when I woke up my H had come into our room and he was very irritated at me. Turns out that my son couldn't sleep because he was scared of tornadoes and this is something that happens where we live and has happened close to where we live destroying my sons school when he was little. But, according to my H, you guessed it, it was my fault my son is scared of tornadoes because I also have weather anxiety and am scared of tornadoes and it rubbed off on my son according to my H. In the moment I didn't really say anything back to him but when I thought about it this morning I was thinking this is just another example of my H blaming me for everything. I'm not perfect and doing the best I can, but I think my H is just annoyed he had to deal with our child or it just gave him another opportunity to blame everything on me instead.

It really resonates with me what you are talking about with external blame rather than internal adjustment. With my H as well, it is never about anything he can do for himself to fix an issue, it is always about blaming someone else for it and focusing all his energy on that or in general on the unfairness of life, i.e. these people are rich and don't have to work for it, why can't I have that sort of thing. I am also a big believer that people in general do have a certain level of control over what they think and feel. And my H of course is not. Everything is always his parents' fault for not raising him right, or my fault and he's just sort of lost at sea. I have had these conversations with him where I express this but he really doesn't buy it.


I think he is ready to come at me stronger. Yesterday he had a meeting with one of his therapists and while they don't agree with him exactly they always end up telling him to take action rather than sitting and complaining about his life which effects mine. So he said he wanted to have a "conversation" last night and I pulled my own PA on it and told him I was too tired. The truth is I don't want to hear what he has to say, but I will have to at some point. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your listening and feedback, it has helped so much and continues to help me re-frame and understand what is going on in my life. I hope everything is going well with you!