Psychosis and mania come hand by hand to me and my brain accelerates to such degree that I totally crash when medicated. It's like they don't know how to decelerate the illness, so they just build a brick wall in front of it instead. It's a terrible feeling, but the alternative would be to let the illness follow its course. I've realized my memory keeps getting worse after each crisis, so it worries me, but my pdoc says it's ok. I remember, at first, my psychosis came with feelings of grandiosity and awe at the world, I wanted to discover all its secrets, find the meaning of life or even talk with god... not anymore, I'm afraid, my crises always end out pointing out how human beings behave to each other and end up paranoid, disenchanted and afraid. I'd like to know the reason of this change of attitude, but actually, no health professional that has treated me even cares to consider it as a valid question. It might be useless or too difficult to ponder... best regards, raspberry stay strong.