It really has helped me a whole lot and I am so thankful for all of your advice! Yes, you are so right, it is very hard to prove and everything can always be open to some other, more positive interpretation. I did decide to talk to him last night on my own terms, and we talked for several hours in what I thought at the time was a very telling talk, i.e. that he couldn't tell me what he wanted. It was "lets just get divorced", then "lets separate for six months", then "I love you unconditionally", then "I just need space", but when pressed on it I asked him if from his perspective our romantic relationship was over. He couldn't really answer. At the time he said maybe we should see a therapist to help us and I agreed. However, what is so disconcerting to me is that this afternoon we were in a car on the way to get our kids and he now told me his ideal scenario is us being what he called "all but divorced" for six months where he dates other people but we still live together and co-parent (and I could date other people too which I would not be ready to do anytime soon even if I did feel done with this relationship). And of course he told me that part right as the kids were about to get in the car so I couldn't really address it, but I do feel like I have whiplash. Then the other part is things like finding him on the shower floor because he is so depressed he can't even stand up. Maybe I should consider separating and living together to not have to mess with finances and disrupting the kids, but if that was the case I would have to have ironclad boundaries in place. I think I would have to take away each and every perk of our relationship and make it stay that way and it would be really hard. Definitely something to think about. I feel very rushed by him, I'd really like to see a therapist myself first to work through all of this.


I'm glad you have had a more mellow week. I really hope it stays that way for you and you too are focusing on taking care of yourself. If there's one thing I want to do for my daughter it will be to teach her (and hopefully show her too) to not put herself last like I have because she will be so much better for it.