@Que Sera Sera -

I'm sorry for your loss, and I'm very sorry that your grief is so profound and unrelenting. Pets do give one a purpose. They depend so utterly on you. You mean the world to them, and I'm glad you have them. I don't know if yours have fur, feathers, scales or what. (I'ld be interested, if you'ld care to tell.) I think all of them have a range of behaviors from comical to sweet to brave and bold. (Well, maybe the fish have less.) I suspect you have a warm blooded pet.

Even a warm blooded pet with an almost human personality does not take the place of a human spouse. I'm old enough to have lost quite a number of people that I loved, as I'm sure is true of you. The loss of your beloved companion whom you made a home and shared your life with has a finality to it that no other loss equals. Not usually.

I had gotten to where my loss didn't feel so cruelly all-encompassing, as what you describe. Oh, in the beginning I wanted to die. But I did get beyond that. I spent 3 years feeling comforted by my far away family and looking forward to visiting them. Finally, circumstances permitted me to make that trip. The reunion didn't go so smoothly. It went nothing like what I had envisioned, partly my own fault for some careless remarks I made. I feel devastated by the outcome.

I could adjust to the man who loved me being gone. I feel like I still have that love. He never revoked it. It feels eternal. I'm having a way harder time adjusting to a family I thought loved me possibly not even liking me.

It has devastated me. They don't even know I'm devastated. I think about telling them, but that might not go over well. They were all I had. I have no one else.