I feel much better!

Invega, olanzepine, * kicked in - and diazepam will calm me a little more.

Just balancing my brain chems, since over a decade ago.. Still the same agitation problems.. I'm at phase 2 of self-improvement..

I must improve further and learn even more.. Just the world is even more broken - As long as my neurochemistry is okay, it's good.

I wish I had someone, to guide me. Remember when I was talking about "The paradox?" - That known through so many religions and philosophies. I knew that.. But still was so isolated, and my conscience just kicked back, while I wrote stuff out of frustration and despair..

I wish I put my anger/agitation/mania into something good.. I could have been real creative and would have accomplished more meaningful things (Before the trip).. I just needed to be slapped, and woken up..

Bad things happened.. I'm not a kid anymore - But I was failed, miserably. And it was all by design. That's why society is this way - The rich get their yachts and private jets, islands, mansions, cars etc.. It's the problem that everyone thinks about. Suffering - We all die.. So no one cares..

Caring about/having empathy for other people/lives is one of the most positive things you can do.. But for me? I snap, and go into directions, out of frustration, and confusion..

But it's all good.. I'll write more later..