I will try to make this one a little shorter…

Forgive me if I fail

You describe your obsessive tendencies well. That makes a lot of sense. But it also sounds like you're doing a pretty good job controlling yourself and the obsessiveness?

They say that CBT is like game trails in the brain - traffic flows on the most used paths, so you can rewire yourself to some extent by practicing where you make yourself go. It seems like you're already doing this?

In time, new trails are worn and you'll feel like you have more control. That's not to say that the thoughts and feelings go away, it's more like they get reframed into something that has less effect on you, and you're less likely to fall into the loop.


—>I'll never be able to turn off that critical part of my brain, but I suppose the real key is not allowing it to prevent me from enjoying what I'm doing, yeah?<---

You're on the right track to acknowledge the feelings and thoughts without allowing them to disrupt you- that's actually a good description of a CBT mindfulness technique. It's kind of like being in a room full of people while you're busy with something. You can do what you're doing, be aware that there are other things going on around you, and still stay on task. It's a learned habit, but once you develop it, it's yours.

It seems like you may have more knowledge about the 16 personalities than I do! ISTJ That sounds pretty good. Do you feel like you take care of yourself as that personality type? Or do you do things that are counter to it?

Love both Adam and Jamie, those are cool comparisons

Not sure about House, I never watched it. He was pretty direct and pragmatic, right? Did your parents mean that in a kind way?

You mentioned childhood anxiety, and your parents' dislike for each other… do you have childhood trauma patterns? I grew up in an unhappy, dysfunctional family where I was the scapegoat. You might find this hard to believe, but in real life, I don't generally talk much at all (except to DD). Growing up, I was marginalized and told to be seen and not heard. Childhood trauma - still live it to this day. It's probably why I started writing. Writing was, and still is, my sanctuary. Doing trauma work has helped a lot- once you see a piece of the puzzle from when you were younger, it can help put the issue to rest in the present. At least that's how it's been for me. Not sure if that applies to you, but if it does, trauma work was very helpful to my overall anxiety patterns.

Oh yeah. You got it, I'm an INFJ

It sounds like the last two relationships you've had have been with people who fall a bit on the more dependent side? And maybe that makes it hard to find good balance? With my husband and his problems, it often feels like I'm the caretaker of life-stuff and not much else. With SOs who have issues that cause you to give more than you might under other circumstances, it's extra important to have those boundaries and make sure your own needs don't end up drowned out.

Hey, I've got a cool thing to share with you. You seem well read, maybe you already know it, but it's relatively new to me. It's called TRE or trauma (or tension) release exercises. It's for PTSD, anxiety, stress, etc. You can check it out online if you're interested. You do simple exercises that fatigue the big muscles in your body until they go into controlled tremors. Then you tremor for a period of time and can end up very relaxed afterwards. Part of my CBT was to let uncomfortable physical sensations just pass in their own time, no matter how bad they were or how long that took. The TRE seems to be a way to speed up that process. It's like a way to burn the physical anxiety sensations out of the muscles faster. It's interesting stuff. It feels good too.

The neat thing about TRE, though, is that it seems to help even if you don't know the root cause of the anxiety, or if the trauma is too severe to confront directly.

Iron Maiden… what is there to say? Their songs can be incredibly fun to belt out. Let's just say that just because it's fun, doesn't make it good. *Sigh* You're right about their fans, some of the best people I've known were hard core fans.

Ya ha ha! Have fun finding those seeds Are you aiming for 100% completion?

Rock on