I have a strange problem:

My younger brother has become obsessed with money. It's really his wife - who is an accountant, and micro-manages their finances to the point where my brother can't buy himself a cup of coffee in a cafe because he's trying not to spend a cent. He has stage 1 rectal cancer (which shrunk a lot due to chemo/radiation thank goodness but he will need surgery soon). He got $40,000 because they had critical health insurance and you get a payout for heart attack, cancer etc. His wife immediately added it to their savings and they didn't spend a cent. She makes enough for them to live on.

They were lucky and bought an apartment cheaply when they got married 25 years ago, and paid off the mortgage soon after their son was born.


Before his cancer diagnosis, my brother lost his job about six years ago and got a $55,000 payout. Guess where it went - you got it. He got a job delivering for Amazon part-time because he has very little confidence (he only had one job in his life and just got promoted when his supervisors died or left the small company he worked for). His wife was okay with his Amazon job because it's very flexible and he could drive their teenage son to sports and school.

Also, one of my brother's high-school classmates is a hotshot investment advisor and handles some of their finances. I believe my brother and his wife are worth 1.5 million or more at this point (he won't say exactly which is also weird - he never used to be secretive).


Part of the reason they are saving so fanatically is that they want to buy their son a condo, which in Vancouver means 800K or more. He is 19 and taking a few college courses and thinking of getting into physiotherapy. If he becomes a physiotherapist, he won't need much help.


The thing is, I want my brother to have quality of life. I know he loves his son, but he walks around in old clothes while his son has the newest athletic clothes, the only vacations they took were to Disney, etc. I wanted to get them a couples' hot stone massage for their 25th wedding anniversary but both my mom and my husband said "Don't do it - they won't go and they may give it to their son or redeem the gift certificate for money." Isn't that crazy???

I mean in the end it's obviously up to him, and he worships his wife who worships their son. My biggest fear is that after his cancer my brother will go back to Amazon deliveries. He is brilliant with computers and I suggested programming boot camp. I think he would do it if it was free but he won't spend anything on himself. Argh! He is a very smart guy but he just doesn't value himself. He doesn't have friends. I just don't know.

Edited: I should add that the son (my nephew) is an absolute sweetheart in spite of how spoiled he was. I might actually chat with him about what to get his parents for their anniversary.

An additional concern I have is that they've always bought the cheapest food and I can't help but think that this may have contributed to my brother's condition. I'm the one drinking organic smoothies and eating arugula salad.