I know, it really is sad isn't it? I have told my best friend so that has been a great resource and I am looking for an individual therapist for me so hopefully that pans out soon. I have to tell you, I am so so angry. I wish my "Angry Smile" book had arrived, but it couldn't be delivered fast, because I'd love to decode my H's insane behavior. After the complete turn around I mentioned above, he also is telling me things like our entire relationship was a lie, that he never loved me and always had doubts. I know I shouldn't engage with him, but when I showed him cards and letters he wrote me saying quite the contrary, about me being his one true love and not being able to live without me, he tells me he was trying to make it work and didn't mean it. He's also telling me things like having 3 kids under 4 was not hard, it is not hard being a single women in our group of friends at the school, and that I constantly bad mouth him to others (which is completely not the case, I am not perfect but that is something I do not do). When pressed for examples he told me once I told someone he had a fear of flying...I know it is an overused buzzword but I feel like he's gaslighting me. If I am to believe that he never loved me or wanted to be with me but stayed with me for 17 years, I don't know how I could trust myself or anyone else ever again so maybe that is the intended effect. Like you say, I think he is trying regain his power and control.
He's also telling me that I "won't have any trouble dating".

I really do not feel like dealing with divorce right now and separating our assets, so I feel like it is probably best to separate with boundaries that way I can keep my kids with me and then go see a lawyer and figure out the best way to protect myself. Luckily he went out of town for a few days otherwise I feel like I would explode. I think anger is a good next stage of this process.


Hope that you had a relaxing weekend and everything is going well and calmly on your end.