I'm so sorry you are going through this. No one should have to deal with anything like this.

I understand that sometimes there are a lot of moving parts and the answers aren't simple. Please take care of yourself first and foremost as you navigate this bizaar situation. Have you looked at the book Codependent No More? That might be a good choice for you, especially if you are remaining in the situation for the time being. Reading that book was very empowering for me. It made me realize just how much power and control I have, helped me establish strong boundaries, and taught me that you can heal yourself while living with a disordered person. Ideally, my life would look different than it does, but... Lots of moving parts and I'm a work in progress.

That's good that your friend knows. Don't protect his disorder at the expense of yourself.

It sounds like your dh may fall on that cluster b spectrum (narcissism, borderline, etc) and it's pretty common for them to flop back and forth about whether they love you, or that you've been the worst person who ever walked the face of the earth. I think that falls under 'splitting.'. It's not you, it's the broken child in him turning to whatever makes him feel the most powerful and in control in that moment.

Enjoy your time without him. Our house tends to be so smooth and peaceful when mine's not here, which is just so sad. DD commented that it's weird, because much of the time, he's just sitting in his chair, like an angry zombie watching videos on his phone, so how does he negatively affect the house? It's just the stormy mood he takes everywhere he goes. A big part of healing is that whole thing about not allowing others to dictate our feelings and moods, but then again, as human beings, we are hardwired to pick up on these things from others, so it's natural. I was reading an article the other day about how we have built in "BS sensors" that allow us to pick up on when other people are being disingenuous- and yet counselors often give the benefit of the doubt that's counter to those internal sensors. We should always listen to our own gut feelings.

Take care of yourself. You deserve that much and more.