So I’m out in Lancaster with RS, we’ve had a great time, but my mom just called and told me my grandma somehow fell and hit her head. My cousin and his girlfriend were thankfully there so they’re taking her to the hospital but my mom is freaking out because she can’t drive up to north jersey at this time in the dark. I don’t want her to anyway, the hospital is in a sketchy area and mom is like me with driving (taking wrong turns even with gps on). I’d be afraid she’d drive into a bad neighborhood.

I’m not sure if we should cut our trip short and drive back now or just stay for one more night because we were going to leave in the AM anyway. There’s really nothing I can do at home except be worried there as opposed to here. But also what if something terrible happens and I need to be home for my mom?

Oh I am just so worried. First the mini stroke, now this. My main worry is that I believe I am the executor of my grandmother’s will, so if something happens I will have to deal with all that plus the huge amount of drama it’s going to cause in my family. It’s just large amounts of stress destabilize me quickly. The last time I was super stressed out was last summer with CR’s surgery and I totally lost it. I became a paranoid wreck, thinking people were plotting against me and that RS wasn’t even really himself, he’d been replaced by an imposter. I actually grabbed a box cutter when I was working my retail job because four people converged at the register and I thought they were going to attack me. I could have hurt someone. I was about to hurt myself too. It was horrible, the scariest thing I have ever gone through.

Thank goodness I see my therapist tomorrow. I think I am going to go home early. I’d just feel better if I were there, in case something does happen.