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Does it really matter if I uncover the root of my dysfunction?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">In my limited experience (sample size of one!), if you uncover the root, you can achieve greater healing and function better too. If you learn to manage the symptoms of your root issues, you can achieve better functionality, but the wounds will persist. Which do you want? I hope you won't give up and settle for less than resolving the underlying causes. You deserve it all!

The three ways of managing pain--can you use all of them?

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Mainly because I was not just perceiving that I was in pain or being mistreated; I was in fact being mistreated and being injured.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I am really glad to read this from you.

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But all this digging and looking has created a lot of additional anxiety. In particular, anxiety about being able to openly talk and discuss some of these events and my emerging feelings in therapy.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Therapy is really hard work. I think you are doing great. It is hard to achieve the trust necessary to talk openly about shameful events and feelings. Is your T pressuring you to divulge more, or are you doing the pressuring?

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If for some reason I achieve this goal-- I am able to look my therapist in the eye and tell her all of the %#@&#! things that happened in my life, can tell her all of the things that I am incredibly guilty and ashamed of, what does this ultimately get me?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">The chance to heal. If you couple the telling with some EMDR, it could speed you along the way. It doesn't work for everyone, but it can be a powerful adjunct to talk therapy.

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Will this relieve me of my suffering?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Perhaps somewhat, but you also need to take concrete steps in your life, not just in therapy. But talking about it can be the first step and help you figure out what you want, decide what steps to take, and motivate you.

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Make life more bearable? Make my H more tolerable? My sex life better? My ability to parent better? Make me a better friend, teacher, professional?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Maybe (it might not make your current life more bearable but help motivate you to change your life to make it more bearable). Not sure. Hmmm. Probably. Probably.

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what is all this struggle with feeling and articulating my feelings really going to get me in the end?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">The chance to heal? Better relationships with the people in your life? Increased ability to connect with others?

I think therapy takes a lot of courage, chaotic. You've been very brave so far. If you turn your back on it now, won't you always wonder what could have been?