Over past few years, probably due to lockdowns, have re-evaluated relationships. Especially with my family. As you know, there's a long history of problems with my mother, so I'll start there first. Sorry, this could be long....

She has one so-called friend. Every time they talk, her mood changes. I've recently observed that she's sucking the life out of my mother emotionally. Despite saying she'll sever ties, I don't think my mother has the strength. Instead, she'll take every opportunity to tell anyone who will listen about how she's treated. Even if the timing isn't ideal. My niece's 18th birthday party just one such occasion.

Situation with my aunt (mother's sister) hasn't changed. Few issues here including aunt moving house. We went over for my mother's birthday last week, having lunch together at local pub (my cousin joined us). Even then an atmosphere, caused mostly by mother's attitude. When mother was talking to her after the event, my aunt had audacity to say that she'd picked most expensive item on menu. Totally untrue! Probably said because my cousin picked up the bill.

Despite her mental health problems last year, my cousin has returned to her usual bossy attitude. Thinks it's okay to dictate to others what they should be doing.

So, where do I fit in? Rather than take it up with people involved, my mother looks for a substitute and that's me. Have now learned to deflect by saying I will not get involved in her battles with other people. Thankfully, we have not had any rows lately, although she's still attempting to goad me! Know I shouldn't say this but think she's stopped eating properly to gain sympathy.

One point I've made to her is that I won't be dictated to by anyone in my family and will react. Although relationship with sister-in-law has improved lately, there's still underlying situation similar to that with my cousin. Not prepared to put up with being told what I should be doing to suit their ideals.

Think it's time for another meeting with my brother. He returns from holiday tomorrow. One thing I need to sort out is my birthday. After last year, I don't want to spend it with my mother or family. Unfortunately, it's on a Sunday so ideal for one of those dreaded family lunches (although food is good!). Know only I can change this and make it my day by choosing what I want to do.

Have not been so misguided to think that people will change. Mother certainly won't. It was nice while it lasted with cousin and sister-in-law, but am I disappointed, yes. Surprised, no!