Thank you, I am actually sort of excited because I have found a therapist I am meeting with next week and I am hopeful she will be able to guide me a little better and also help me focus on what I want. I've never attended therapy for myself, only before in the context of marriage counseling which was all about my H. It is funny how I have gone through life not only never thinking about what I want, but also thinking that asserting your wants is selfish, even though it isn't at all. I think that is something that is very common with women so I hope she can help me with that aspect too and I do look forward to the personal growth in that aspect. I am going to order Codependent No More as well, and as an ebook so I can read it whenever I want! The splitting idea is very insightful, my H has a ton of childhood trauma and issues with his family and parents so this rings true for him and I do think it will help me deal with him.

Also, when you say that about your house being smooth and peaceful without him, and that when your H is there he is like a zombie watching videos, that literally could be my situation, if you substitute videos for playing videogames. But it is the same thing. It is like gloom descends upon the house and we all have to walk on eggshells. My H used to joke that he was like Charlie Brown in that a dark cloud follows him around but it is very true most of the time.


I really cannot thank you enough for continuing to have this conversation with me and passing along your pearls of knowledge and wisdom, they have helped me so much through this very difficult time.