I do think I cam controlling my obsessive tendencies a lot better, though that mostly boils down to realizing when obsessing over something is causing stress and/or anxiety and being able to immediately shift gears and do something else. And I think the key cause is feeling "stuck" in some way. Like, modding is okay until I hit a really tricky problem that stumps me or start toi feel overhwlemed by my to-do list. I remember one time with Brave New World I was stuck on one issue for 4 days straight and it sent me into a full-on anxiety attack as a result.

Weirdly enough, I hadn't made the connection between not letting my overanalytical brain prevent me from enjoying a game and not letting intrusive anxious thoughts cause me problems until you pointed it out. Seems pretty obvious and I'm not sure how I didn't catch on before. Just goes to show how important having a sounding board can be!

I think the key aspect of House is that, to him, being right is of paramount importance, and he's a complete asshole about it. That does describe how I act toward my parents, but not really anyone else (they have a way of bringing out the worst in me). I realize the important difference between being right aqnd being productive, but I otherwise fit the bill pretty much exactly: pragmatic, logical, and aloof.

Speaking of my parents, I guess... there are definitely a lot of patterns there. The anxiety goes way back to when I was a little kid, except it wouldn't be until I was an adult that anything was correctly identified. There was a drawn-out custody/child support battle between my mother and father during which my first grade teacher testified that I would often "masturbate" in class. This, of course, was completely incorrect - I'd developed a nervous tic of scratching myself after being constantly told that I should not do that in public. This shaped a lot of my views, since it effectively boiled down to every single adult in my life being completely clueless about what was actually going on with me.

The other major aspect of my childhood that probably plays into all of this is that I was a loner with little to no actual parenting. For much of my life, I was comfortable with my solitude. I eventually started to feel lonely, but it's only been recently with the further development of my anxieties that I began to truly fear being alone. An overriding thought I have when I'm feeling anxious is that if nobody is around to help me then something might happen to me. But on the other hand, I learned from an early age that other people are pretty flaky and CAN'T really help me, so I don't really take that much comfort in the presence of others.

I share you passion for writing, as well. I find it therapeutic as a way to organize my thoughts, and often write articles about game design or tutorials on how to mod them. I've actually been considering writing up something on Breath of the Wild when I finally put it down. Writing is also a good way to get things out of my head - something I did a lot when I was younger. I learned about sex at a pretty early age, and my way of handling it was just to write down everything I'd learned and put it away in a drawer. Of course, my mother found it and that became ammunition to use against my father in the aforementioned custody battle... which, again, completely missed the point. My mother's emotional maturity to this day is comparable to that of a blueberry scone, and as a result our relationship has always been much more like that of siblings than mother/son.

And yes, pretty much every relationship I've ever been in all has one very specific thing in common: none of them were with people who were completely independent. I can't imagine that much is helping me, either. I think everything I've said in the last few paragraphs all really points to the fact that I've felt my whole life that I have to do everything by myself and nobody else can and/or will help.

I will need to look into TRE, for sure. It sounds similar to something I was reading about the other day, where in the military they teach you to fall asleep within minutes using progressive muscle relaxation. It definitely sounds like something that can help.

(Man, I've just given up at this point on not giving lengthy responses. Brevity is not in my wheelhouse.)

Anyway, I've done all of the main quest stuff in Zelda and it's effectively a hiking simulator where I look for golden poop and the occasional shrine, which is fine by me. It's relaxing and still plenty enjoyable, but I definitely have a lot to say and will probably end up writing about it. I hope everything is going well with you and I'm really glad that these interactions have been beneficial to you as much as they have been to me. I think I said it before, but more than a few things you've gotten me to say are things that I've pretty much gone right back to my therapist with.



Honestly, I'd struggle to tell you exactly how much hydroxozine helps me, too. Part of it is that it takes so long to take effect that, by that point, the attack could have easily passed on its own, so anything it does in the moment is just a placebo effect. Hell, I tend to feel better just knowing I have it to take if I need it.

Have you looked into CBD at all?