I think that's a pretty incredible realization you made. Now that you understand it, you can observe your relationships with your new-found perspective and make some changes. I think there is a lot there to explore with a therapist if you have one now or if you are thinking about giving therapy another try.

You aren't the first to learn essential things about how therapy is supposed to work from being here. And if you don't know what you are supposed to do in therapy, you don't get anywhere. I never knew how to talk about the things that matter or have any kind of emotionally close relationship. I did have some attachment to the 7th therapist I went to. I've been seeing my 8th therapist for almost 4 years now, and have been here at PC for almost 5, and I think I kind-of have it figured out now. Oh, yeah, and not to mention getting a master's degree in counseling and becoming a therapist (student intern). I honestly would not have figured out how therapy is supposed to feel from my training. Maybe some people would, but not people who have never learned how to have emotionally close relationships. Some of my classmates still seem to keep everyone, including their clients, at a distance. I wonder if all of the therapists I went to knew how those feelings are supposed to work.

So, maybe now you can get close enough to a therapist to start healing, and eventually be able to let a relationship with a romantic partner progress to real closeness, or even love.

Oh, and transference happens in all of our relationships with anybody. Just not usually as intensely as in therapy (or other intimate relationships).