You put yourself in harm's way, then you are surprised that you get harmed? It's like the people who go to Yellowstone and try to pet the bison.

I understand that you have certain challenges. But the internet offers all kinds of resources for you to learn from. Dale Carnegie and other self help authors might be a good place for you to start. Melody Beattie for codependence. Anne Katherine for boundaries. Your husband has bruised your self-esteem, if ever you had any (my parents killed mine!). But now its your job to become a whole human being.