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Originally Posted by AnaWhitney
Guys I’m just wondering if anyone has any thoughts on this -
I want to be honest with my T and tell her about the self harm (at some point) I’m worried though that she might see it that therapy is bad for me since it’s making me worse and stop seeing me over it.
I’m also worried she might feel bad or even incompetent that I’ve got worse during therapy and I’m wondering if I should pretend the self harm is a longer term thing rather than a recent flare up partly because of how much therapy has hurt and brought up lately.
I just feel like it’s inevitable that I won’t be able to do any of this. I can’t deal with things as they come up. I don’t want to be on my own again. I have no trusting relationships in life which is why I’m in therapy and now I’m failing at the relationships with a THERAPIST!
Should I tell her but pretend it’s been a more long term thing to avoid either of those scenarios above ?
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First, I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Hugs, if wanted.
It's difficult to know what to suggest, as, in my experience, T's (and pdocs) can have a widely varied reaction to SH. They can range from thinking a client needs to be hospitalized or at least in a day program to sort of shrugging and moving on to the next topic (my current T is the latter--I honestly feel like he under-reacts and told him that once).
I have worried when I told him that I SHed in part due to something he said and what that brought up in me (like stuff from my past), fearing it would seem like "look what you made me do!" At the same time, I felt I needed to let him know exactly how bad certain things were for me, how deeply they could affect me and how much I was hurting.
So I think you should tell her. But, like you said, maybe mention that it's something you've done in the past. I would also consider underplaying it a bit at first (like how minor it is) until you see how she reacts to it. In case she's the sort that freaks out about it.