Thanks Comarade. I think I'm understanding. I hope so! (Sorry Luna for misunderstanding!)

You're right. Years isn't long enough. And this timeline is all I have now, whether I like it or not. And yes, I am trying to process it right now to at least try to get to a stable place. It's just so so much! It also doesn't help that the timeline is actually unknown. We don't know when the baby will come or when L will feel ready to start working again.

Thank you for the empathy and validation. I do agree that the nature of the therapeutic relationship is painful. For me at least, it reminds me of all the things I didn't or cannot have. L says it's a sacred journey that requires the boundaries and roles of therapist/client. I understand her AND sometimes I wish we met in a different role.