Hey!

Hope it's been a decent week for you.

How has it been trying to recognize when it's time to switch gears? Do you see the early warning signs? Is it getting easier to stop yourself sooner than later?

You have a lot to unpack from your childhood. I'm so sorry about all of that. It sounds like it was pretty chaotic at times. It seems like the adults around you were absolutely clueless at best, and failed you in so many ways. It's probably no great wonder that you turned out to be a practical person who figures out how to get things done.

What my parents did wouldn't actually fall into the category of functional parenting either. The counselor whose YouTube videos I followed for childhood trauma work (Patrick Teahan) is a childhood trauma survivor, whose parents didn't do much parenting either. In some of his videos, he says he went out into the world, at age 19, as basically a feral human being. That's a funny way to put it, but might be apt for some of us.

Something that stands out about you, is that you seem to have remained aware of the things you went through, even if the context changed? I never had much experience with disassociation or repressing memories in any significant way. Whatever was there, I've always owned- and generally had a sense of accountability for the other people involved. It's allowed me to confront the trauma and dysfunction head on. Wonder if that applies to you in some ways? You seem very open and straightforward about your experiences.

I think I sort of understand the feelings you have about being alone- sorry if I miss the mark here. It seems normal to want to feel connected to others, particularly when we're feeling vulnerable. Who doesn't want to be able to let their guard down, and know that someone else has their back?

Like you, people in my life have been largely undependable. Knowing how it feels to be abandoned in a time of need, is a lot of why I overgive to others- I know how it feels to 'get the nothing', so try to save others from having to feel that way. There's also a deep seated hope that if I give enough to others, maybe I'll eventually get some of that care in return. That's the codependent in me.

If you try the progressive relaxation technique, or the TRE, I'd be interested to hear how it goes. Do you have trouble falling asleep? Or staying asleep? Or both? I have trouble falling/staying asleep at times, but try to mindfully roll with it- just focus on resting and being comfortable more than stressing about not being asleep.

Lol, neither of us seem to be gifted with brevity. If you were, your mods might end up being mini games, right?

Hope your Hyrule hiking is going great. Out of curiosity , and if you're willing to share, what type of writing would you do about BotW? I can't conceptualize what type of thing that might be.

DD is playing TotK at the moment. She says BotW is much more relaxing than TotK. I keep hearing, "No, no, no, no, no. Don't die, don't die, don't die…"