Good advice.

So much of my healing has already taken place. Ive learned to react calmly to things that used to trigger me.

Like the dog hair from our daughter's dog. It used to really get on my nerves because i couldn't keep up with the cleaning, and i would comment openly on how much it bothered me.

I realized that this stressed my wife and daughter big time.

Last night, i walked in to our daughter's 95 pound sheppard and our adult son's 80 pound pitbull eating from piles of food that were just dumped on the floor.

I try to keep our home hospital clean, i didn't stress, i politely excused myself for a walk and i just reflected on how my past behaviors had caused stress and i took the opposite action

When i got home, i hung out with the kids and after our son and his GF left, i cleaned up the mess and nobody was stressed.

I'm a much better listener. I'm not such a neat freak.

Spending 4 years without physical intimacy has taught me restraint and that i can be faithful even when being rejected.

But i so miss romance and giving poetry to a woman...

I miss just kissing...

I miss dragging my finger along a woman's arm, so lightly that goosebumps appear in my finger's wake.

I miss running my palms across a woman's body to "feel" her beauty while describing how her beauty speaks to me.

I miss looking into my partner's eyes as we climax, just to see the torrent of emotions in her eyes.

God how i miss being missed...

Being wanted for something other than a paycheck.

I miss holding hands....

I miss the part of me that died......