Quote:
Originally Posted by MrAbbott
Hi Motts. Being direct and honest is sometimes complicated and I definitively have gotten into some trouble in the past due to it.
I recently found on FB this quote and I couldn't agree more: "I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party and I attended with my real face" - F Kafka.
I guess a middle term between being completely fake and being too blunt must be found. I'm sorry you had to experience hatred for something you technically didn't do wrong. Hugs.
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Hi MrAbbott,
I love Franz Kafka's writings - he's the
"ultimate self-doubting writer" who I can relate to on so many levels.
Quote:
In one atypically meta entry on writing about depression while depressed, from September 19, 1917, Kafka writes:
Have never understood how it is possible for almost everyone who writes to objectify his sufferings in the very midst of undergoing them; thus I, for example, in the midst of my unhappiness, in all likelihood with my head still smarting from unhappiness, sit down and write to someone: I am unhappy. Yes, I can even go beyond that and with as many flourishes as I have the talent for, all of which seem to have nothing to do with my unhappiness… And it is not a lie, and it does not still my pain; it is simply a merciful surplus of strength at a moment when suffering has raked me to the bottom of my being and plainly exhausted all my strength.
Kafka’s “suffering” (Schmerz) is at times so extreme—whether brought on by noisy neighbors or an inability to work—that it seems almost solipsistically removed from the landscape of Eastern Europe in the nineteen-teens. An entry from August 2, 1914, reads: “Germany has declared war on Russia. –Swimming in the afternoon.”
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I love the quote that you selected because it's 100% accurate of the mask I've worn my entire life despite my best efforts otherwise. I have not been successful to find the middle ground between affective orientation and diffuse orientation. To find that happy middle ground between totally fake and being too blunt has proven futile to me. No matter what I say, I put people off of me like a good insect repellent. I'm a walking poison I suppose. Maybe I have ADHD. Maybe I'm autistic. Maybe it's Maybeline. Maybe I'm just like Dorothy Parker in her menopause years.
Yes, the hatred from those women was an unexpected consequence of my poor word choices spoken and written. Technically, I made a mistake as true self. Whoopsie. And they responded as their true selves. With a meanness strong enough to provoke a reaction from the Kardashian sisters.
Being honest is definitely complex and hard to navigate in some situations like the two I wrote about in my OP. It's nice to read from you that you've been in my shoes too. Knowing that makes me feel better.