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Originally Posted by Open Eyes
When people put you off the way you described they are actually telling you that they don’t have the skills to engage in the kind of relationship you are asking for.
I think you get frustrated because you expect people to know more than they know. People tend to be self absorbed and the kind of in depth relationship you are searching for is actually very rare.
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Regarding the FB acquaintance, she is the one who reached out to me from the FB group asking to become a FB friend. She also initiated offering me her cell phone number and called me.
So, she is responsible for sending me the mixed message of being my friend in real life. She has the skills to engage in a friendship.
What are you implying? That I come on to strong with people and they reject me? It's ok if that's what you mean. I'd rather you just write that instead of blaming me outright, which is how i interpreted your post.
Again, she pursued me for friendship from the FB grief group. If anyone is to blame, I'd say it's her.
My frustration with her behavior is actually reasonable, so we can agree to disagree in her case. Don't go through all of that to just blow off my social invites to meet in person b/c doing that is a colossal waste of my time. I don't have time for people who lie to me, period.
As far as the recruiter and account manager, that wasn't about friendship. Their behavior was unprofessional. Again, I don't know where you got 'friendship' from that experience.
I read your post as though you were blaming me for coming on too strong. Better to just write that than imply it. And, I'm not going to feel bad for who I am. If that's what you wanted to accomplish with your post? To shame me for my boundaries?
I will never change myself to please people. If they don't like me, fine. I do have to work on being more diffuse in situations like the interview scenario, where being more neutral would have served me better long term.
Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Wow she called you names, how unprofessional
It’s hard to navigate between being fake/not authentic and being too blunt. I am very blunt so I hear you on that. Sometimes it’s about exercising self control.
Do I want to publicly tell this person where she should go with this nonsense? Sure. Should I cause a public scene? Hhmm probably not.
Sometimes it’s good to leave, process what happened and then contact responsible party. I once was rudely spoken by a secretary in one office plus she lied about things creating issues for me etc I was too shocked to think straight.
I later contacted her boss, he was outraged. I know she got in trouble because I know other people in that facility, she complained how she got in trouble with the boss etc If I confronted her right there and then perhaps I’d look like a trouble maker and the rude one. Instead i remained calm and I called later and calmly explained my experience.
Now what if this boss asked witnesses, which they were a few. They’d say this quiet lady stood there taking high road so to speak while Secretary was a jerk. Or they could say this lady and Secretary had a confrontation and were going at each other and we aren’t even sure who started. Hhmm which version would play to my benefit?
There are a lot of nasty people out there. Sometimes it’s better to confront, sometimes it’s better to address it later and sometimes it’s better to just let it go and not bother. It’s really hard to navigate all that deciding what’s best in each situation. Tricky
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Yes, that secretary called me the B----- word b/c I lost my temper after she kept me waiting 30 minutes past my interview time. Her behavior was really unprofessional. I did try to find a human resources contact since its a global company, and couldn't find one person. I may have to search LinkedIn for a local human resources contact b/c I can guarantee you that once I find a human resources contact, I'm going to email them.
I agree with your observation about learning to make better choices in the moment. Moments are so quick that in this case, I rashly chose the wrong path and the consequence was that I lost out on interviewing for a 2 month source of income. The other side of the coin, is that her calling me the B word like that, previewed for me what it would have been like dealing with her as my trainer on a daily basis. So, while I'm disappointed with myself, I'm also relieved that it didn't work out because I don't think i could have dealt with her on a daily basis since she thought it was ok to call a complete stranger the B word.
It sounds like the same thing happened to you as well, with a secretary who mistreated you. Im happy that you contacted her boss and that he was outraged (as he should be). I'm also glad you stood your ground with her and maintained your boundary. I am glad she got into trouble too.
There were definitely 4 employee witnesses. The secretary was the only one yelling (she kept ranting that no one would believe me if I tried to tell them that she called me the B word, or that she had her feet on her desk b/c "the cameras can prove my feet weren't on my desk."
Seriously, this is a multi-million dollar global company and this woman was sat on the phone with her feet on the front reception desk while I stood outside glass locked doors for 30 minutes waiting to be let inside to interview for that same role she was supposedly the trainer for. Eeek.
I knew better with this situation and I don't know why I chose to ignore my inner sense of remaining diffuse and neutral, and instead be affective and reactive. I do know that I hate contract work and would prefer a full-time job. So, I know that underlying frustration may have fueled my frustrated response at being kept waiting 30 minutes. I wasn't expecting to be called the B word either or have my recruiter and her account manager laugh at me on the phone. Their choice to do that was wrong as it was disrespectful and downright mean to me.
Quite a learning experience.