Quote:
Originally Posted by Lemoncake
I'm sorry for butting in LT, but everything in your post just reads as what would trigger him the least. You aren't truly free or safe to discuss what YOU actually need as the focus has shifted away to prioritising him.
The relationship has always been an integral component to your therapy. It does seem like something you need to discuss, however painful it might be.
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Thanks, Lemon. You're right. But I also don't want to feel the shame if he says something like playing a game is too friend-like, for example. Or if I suggest an idea to deal with the vacation and he shuts it down. I don't want to be trying to seek connection, then end up just feeling less connected or, worse, rejected.
The pandemic version of him might have been open to those things, but I feel that version is gone now for the most part, except for little moments that remind me he's still capable of being that therapist to me. He just chooses not to (granted, he thinks it better in terms of boundaries), and I have to figure out whether I can deal with that.
Anyway...