What an awesome post, and thank you for sharing. You know I think trying to change and fit in to other's expectations can be a mine field, and can we even be sure what others expectations really are. I would like to share my approach, if I can have a little of your time.

I think a much healthier approach is to be aligned to our authentic self. Our authentic self is being true to ourselves, not living to conform to others expectations, but living and striving to reach expectations of our own. Really healthy values are learning to understand others, striving for compassion (and that can start with being compassionate to ourselves-stop beating ourselves up for past failings, but instead understand the whys things happened the way they did and learn from them so they are less likely to happen next time). When we focus on the well-being of others etc. our own troubles take more of a back seat. Now that doesn't mean being a door mat, and upholding healthy boundaries are key to both our physical well-being and also our mental well-being. It's doing what we can, when we can, and that doesn't mean sacrifice, or doing anything that could be detrimental to our well-being, it's just working comfortably within our parameters and capabilities and shouldn't require over-thinking, but just become part and parcel of who we are. Simple little things can be a huge difference to others, and positivity generally breeds more of the same.

Other healthy approaches to life are respect oneself, respect others and expect the same in return. This approach is deeply entrenched in the etiquette in Martial Arts, it's one of the things people learn that is never really spoken. It is the bowing to one another (and as one bows they keep their eyes on the person they are bowing to), or in the case of MMA/Boxing it's the bumping of fists. Either way it's the giving of respect and expecting the same in return, and respect always starts with oneself.

You mentioned people not forgetting. This is a mis-conception. How many people have you encountered and forgotten almost immediately. In the case of experiencing negative situations/people, the memory might live on inside us, but they will have moved on from that almost immediately. The off-set to that is when as people we see each other daily in situations beyond our control like school, or work places. In the case of toxic people, toxic environments etc. beyond our control it's important to off-load that toxicity to someone who listens without placing expectations back on our shoulders, or critical of us, but instead those who listen, understand, re-assure and nurture healthy strategies etc. together with instilling self-belief in us. I could go on, but there is quite a lot of information here already, and I don't want to over-load etc. I hope this has been of use to you. What I would say is stop trying to conform to others expectations, because it's something no-one will ever achieve (human nature is there will always be someone critical doing their best to keep someone beneath them). You don't need their acceptance and/or validation, you are more than enough as who you are. Self respect and self-belief are key. Learn where your strengths lie and play to them while working on your weaknesses. Sending much love and respect to you.