It sounds like your wife does notice you are trying.

Women in their 50’s can lose their labido and they can also experience a thining of the lining in the area where a man satisfies himself. It becomes increasingly uncomfortable. There is also a decline in her estrogen levels that contribute to sexual desires. This varies in women but it can become a depressing problem and also deeply embarrassing to discuss. Men can also experience lowering testosterone levels that can contribute to ED.

When things change that change how a person engages sexually, it doesn’t mean they are punishing their spouse by not engaging in sex.