Quote:
Originally Posted by Discombobulated
It’s a case of observing behaviours with acquaintances and not committing yourself to friendships until you feel comfortable with them. For example if I observe that someone talks or gossips negatively about others I take this as a warning that I will likely be next to be gossiped about. I had to learn that one the hard way.
You say normal people don’t want to connect or they keep their distance. It’s possible they just aren’t available for friendship, not everyone is open to developing new friendships especially if they have very busy lives, this seems like more of an issue as we age and get more commitments. I can’t say this is the case but it may be a possibility.
I know you dismissed my suggestion to volunteer but it is in my experience a good way to keep social and develop social skills. I’m off this afternoon to help a volunteer acquaintance with a new group, tbh I don’t really want to go, I’m just doing it to help him (there’s a shortage of volunteers everywhere I think!) but it won’t hurt me at worst and at best I might get chatting to some interesting people. Sometimes I need to push myself to do these things but often it does have a social benefit. I know it’s hard when you’re socially anxious but believe me it’s like any muscle, if you keep exercising it then it will gradually get easier.
Lastly I kind of do understand what other posters mean when they say you’re dismissive of suggestions. I’ve given you my best replies and yes sometimes you did thank my posts but you don’t seem like you’re receptive to what I’m saying, likewise other posters.
I have kept replying because you sound like you’re in a stuck place and that’s a horrible situation to be in, I hope that some of what we’ve written will be helpful in some way. You write a lot about fault and I think you were maybe raised in a blaming environment, but reality is that it’s rarely any one person’s total fault but there are things we all say and do which contribute to our situation, as well as others input. It’s figuring out how to unpick and move forward.
Best wishes.
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Thanks. I’ll keep the volunteer suggestion in mind. I did not intend to come across as dismissive. I have had a lot if bad luck with people obviously.
I’ll try to take more time getting to know people to lower my expectations more but not my standards.
I did the right thing in cutting off the selfish toxic people who only wanted to use me as a free therapist or for other things in the past.
I’m not exaggerating in the least when I said that those women never bothered to ask me one single thing about me. And I did meet all but one lady more than once. So obviously I gave them all the benefit of the doubt
I don’t appreciate being accused of being abrupt or lashing out for stating an honest opinion.
I’m allowed to disagree with other people. If someone doesn’t like something I say, fine, but don’t accuse me of lashing out or being abrupt or anything like that.
Just say let’s agree to disagree or I feel like you’re being XY or Z respectfully instead of attacking me.
This is a support message board after all & I’m a very sensitive person with obvious problems on top of that. I wish that people would keep that in mind. And not everything is my fault too.
Maybe I should completely give up on everyone 100% as I never have any luck with people it seems like. I’ll probably end up doing that very soon if nothing changes in the next year.