I am going to use Angry Smile as my guidebook from now on. LOL. I am still working my way through it but I just finished the chapter on "Counter-Passive Agressive" behavior and I find the whole thing pertinent and fascinating.

I just had my first visit with my new therapist yesterday and even though I probably could have been talking to a brick wall as long as someone listened to me and validated what I was saying I found it very helpful. I think Angry Smile is helpful to me in trying to decode and respond to the way my husband communicates. Some of it I do think is this passive aggressive way of dealing with things coupled with he doesn't know what he wants. For example, in the span of 24 hours I hear from him that me being nice to him may not be enough to save him or our relationship vs. we should see this psychiatrist to help us with end of marriage discussions. Maybe in his mind those two things aren't mutually exclusive but it gives me whiplash. I still have no idea what is going to happen but my therapist encouraged me to really put down boundaries in terms of (1) not tolerating my husband's disrespectful behavior and calling him out on it in the moment and (2) in changing how I am acting towards him, i.e. still care-taking. If he doesn't want to be married, then I shouldn't give him the benefits. It is definitely something to think about. I was expressing to her how hard it is to try and heal a relationship and/or live with someone who acts like they hate you. It is so challenging for me and I worry that I somehow will become accustomed to and accept the way he acts towards me.


How are things with you lately? I cannot think you enough for all the literature recommendations and thoughts, they still continue to help me in this very difficult time.