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I guess I don't really want to get better. I'm just so comfortable in this chaos. My therapist says because I grew up in a tumultuous environment I'm going to seek out more chaos because that's what I'm used to. Guess I'm just used to the smell of sh.it.
But no one that isn't paid to irl seems to give a damn so maybe they know I won't really hurt myself too.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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