I'm sorry it didn't turn out as you had hoped for.

Have you ever reconnected with someone else from your past? I ask because I wonder if something similar happened as well.

I personally have found that reconnecting is hard. There are things that are familiar like a laugh or the way they express themselves. But I have also found that people really can change. I've changed, they've changed. Sometimes it's like starting over. This is my fear with L going on her maternity leave.

I have reconnected with 2 therapists. First therapist, I saw for 2 years and then stopped. Then when she was transferring 6 months later, I saw her for a few times before she left. Everything about her seemed the same, and yet she was a stranger to me. I'm glad that I got to see her for awhile. It brought me closure. But she was no longer my T. Second therapist I reconnected/reconnect with is T. I email her once a month, and maybe once a year have a session with her (if I can afford it). Emails are fine, but in-person or over the phone is hard. I recognize her laugh and she looks the same. But it's like I don't know her. The attachment feelings aren't there. Maybe that's the difference: the attachment no longer exists, so the dynamic changed?