Im just hurt to see her hurting like this.

Every time i see her suffering, i try to find a way to make her feel better and its heartbreaking that i find myself powerless to do anything corrective, or anything at all to ease her pain.

She talks openly about this huge wall she built to protect her heart and added that it "makes her feel safe."

The rest of the conversation became a blur. She mentioned something about "it would take just as many years to fix it as it did to break it" but i don't recall her exact words.

She got really upset when i shared that my therapist felt like "your wife has checked-out and you just need to move on."

The checked-out comment really seemed to upset her.

She also seemed upset by the fact that ive been getting rid of all our photos. Ive never had passwords on my phone and she could browse it whenever she wanted. She asked for my phone last night so she could call hers and she noticed many photos were gone.

I told her that we all cope differently. For me to "detach" and "disconnect" i need closure...i need the situation to make some kind of logical sense.

I explained, "when you move to South Carolina, i know my heart, im gonna make excuses to visit, because my heart has this unbelievable sense of hope, that love is real, even if hidden and i dont think i could physically bear going through the hope and the possibility of doing this all over again."

She said, "you can't fix anything. You can only let go. Whatever will be will be."