Somehow, to survive this, i feel like i have to extinguish all hope. I have this audacious sense of hope and it messes with me.

I plan to eventually block all methods of contact with her once the finances are settled. She's adamant that she wants to remain friends, but i see that as only keeping hope alive, especially with her living on the other side of the country. I naturally gravitate towards her and i can see my dumbass getting on a plane to go and see her.

I ride the roller coaster of happy and sad all the time. As soon as i feel like ive accepted it, i reject it and search for crumbs of love and hope.