Quote:
Originally Posted by comrademoomoo
All aspects of therapy are risky because we are going into the unknown and experiencing new things. Risk can be managed.
I had imagined that his reasons might have been to do with his personal boundaries about touch (he doesn't like it, only touches loved ones, etc), not because he is viewing a client as a predatory lawsuit in waiting. Honestly, with this attitude, I would not trust him with touch. The risk to him because you might report him?! That is extremely offensive and hurtful. Of course you would not accuse him of anything unless he perpetrated an offense and it's really prejudiced of him to believe otherwise. He does not sound skilled enough to work with touch. As painful as it is for him to withhold that element of the work, ironically it might be best for you to not experience that with him if he is unable to practice it with awareness and confidence.
As an aside, it's interesting that you don't like touch but want touch with him - the person who is not willing to give it. I would want to explore that.
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Thank you, this a really useful and insightful post.
I’ve gone through the all aspects of therapy are risky thing with him but he seems to feel like touch is different. I’ve also approached it from the viewpoint that touch is not something I’m comfortable with or used to, but I’d like to be, so isn’t therapy the safest place for me to try it out as if it goes wrong then he has the understanding of what might have happened and our relationship is set up to try and heal it rather than attempt it in the ‘real’ world at some point when the other person isn’t going to get it in the same way he does.
He does admit he doesn’t have any training in using touch and he feels that means he may lack the skills to work in that way, but when I suggested he could upskill himself and do some CPD he said that wasn’t really something he was interested in doing as he personally doesn’t believe in using touch in therapy.
I hadn’t thought about the last point that you make and yes you’re right, this probably would be good to explore. I would imagine it’s something to do with unmet needs as a child now reappearing, but how does that get resolved if he won’t meet those needs?
The problem we have is that any conversation around touch is triggering for me and I become very defensive which causes him to become defensive. But again this is probably a conversation we need to have and explore both of our reactions to it, which I know he would be open to doing.
Thank you, this has really helped and got me thinking.