Quote:
Originally Posted by Therapy reviewed
In society in general people are quick to put an arm round a crying person to what they believe comforts them.
The comfort is temporary. I found I had your same struggles in therapy and in the early years, to felt abandoned by T. Felt as if she did nothing.
In time I come to understand that just sitting with a person and not trying to alter what they are feeling is the greatest gift. The truest comfort. Eventually I knew T was there and her strength in just being with my pain become my strength too.
|
I agree so much with this.
My therapist wasn’t against touch. We hugged. He occasionally held my hand. But he was very, very careful about touch when I was crying inconsolably. He sat and let me feel, without any intervention that might cause me to stifle my experience in that moment. So often we have good intentions in holding a person or handing them a Kleenex, but the subtle message is that the crying should stop, that it is too much.
What my therapist taught me through his willingness to just be there with me in those moments was that my emotions were not too much. They were okay. I was okay. And sure enough, I was.
We sometimes want others to “fix” us when perhaps what is more important long-term is that they accept and validate our experiences of pain and sadness and grief, without interference.
Usually, after I got through those moments, THEN we decompressed and processed and had a hug at the end of the session. Interestingly, I usually left with some relief to have gotten through it all intact with my therapist trusting and knowing that I could do it all on my own.