I was willing to try and do almost anything. Now I am full of fear. Now I have fears of failing, of getting rejected, and of finding more toxic people. People had told me in the past that I was "effervescent" and "passionate". I feel I've lost that passion and spark for life that I used to have. Multiple abusive relationships at work and in my love life in addition to running into lots of toxic people have soured me on life. I feel more reclusive and like I want to recoil from people. I want safety, solitude, and comfort now. It's just very different now vs then. Life has beaten me down quite a bit.