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sorry i have to start with what is FAS, i too had a child that needed encourgment to wash and clean her teeth, actually she still does and she is 23yrs old
the only thing i can think of is dont tell her off, set a routine of watching her wash and prepare for school see if you can qualify for help with this, i used to get a home help the days i worked but it took a lot of fight to get this set up
the home help would come in give her a shower and get her ready for the day
as this neice doesnt go to school full time deal with the other two first and then the 12 yr old that way she will have more attention from you,
also see if you qualify for restpite to give you a break
a lot of us dont have good parenting instilled in us for one reason or another but trying makes us good parents
and you sound like you are
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 No kind action ever stops with itself. One kind action leads to another. Good example is followed. A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. The greatest work that kindness does to others is that it makes them kind themselves.
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