Quote:
Originally Posted by nonightowl
I was never that fearless but used to take more risks. That trite saying about nothing ventured nothing gained is true, yet glosses over how much risking and venturing one is really doing. I can relate to what you’re saying believe me. Like you I’ve had so much of toxic people, even from my so-called “family”. It’s ever so much worse when it’s your own blood. It is NOT thicker than water. 
Yeah I also seek comfort and safety. I don’t even feel safe in my own neighborhood and it doesn’t help to always be alone. Neighbors are no help. I even had one neighbor abruptly stop talking to me. We used to exchange greetings and small talk about building bs, like how the elevator is taking so long to be repaired. Now she walks past me without even looking at me. What the eff? 
I looked up why do people suck and found a lot of stuff. One thing that stood out is how one article said it takes effort and work to be a good person, such as not ghosting people and making an effort in maintaining friendships. And people don’t want to do it.
I even try to cross the street with other people as drivers are less likely to turn in front of or run over a group. (I am aware of drivers plowing into crowds at riots or rallies but I’m referring to everyday or routine walking about)
Life has beaten me to a pulp and feel in pieces. If it wasn’t for this site I’d have lost my mind, thinking it’s just me. 
———
Posted directly on site using iPhone |
That is very strange about your neighbor. Sorry that happened to you!
I know what you mean about toxic people and family. I just found out the most disturbing news about my nephew's father.. my sister's abusive ex husband. He
. I am just disgusted and in shock. We knew his dad was evil, but this takes evil to a whole new level.
I also know what you mean about feeling beaten to a pulp. It sounds like you need something really positive to happen in your life, or, you create a positive life for yourself and be proactive about it.
I am really enjoying my new job, which is bringing a lot more positive energy into my life. It seems to be a great company that treats employees well, with some truly amazing people, and it's a very interesting position I carry. I am very pleased with it so far, but am so jaded that I am waiting for the other shoe to drop, or for some toxic team member to ruin it all for me. So far so good, and I am happy. I actually woke up excited to go to work yesterday!
So, my advice to you is to seek out the positives in life and to fill yourself up with positive energy and a hopeful outlook. Maybe volunteer? Giving back and helping others always makes me feel useful and better.
I felt beaten to a pulp myself, before I started work again. I was pretty depressed and feeling low. But my new job is changing my outlook for the better. I needed to be working again. I hadn't worked in 6-7 months and it was getting to me. Too much free and idle time on my hands that lent t to a depressed state of mind.
So, get active and pump some positive activities into your life.. volunteer work, meditation, support groups, walking/exercise, writing/journaling... those are just some suggestions. But I do get where you are at - I truly do and I can relate because I've been there many times in my life.
Hugs to you.
