Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I’d not be telling people that they should initiate more. If they want to see you, they would initiate. I don’t think it’s something you need to specifically ask for, especially since they find excuses not to see you when you initiate.
I find one thing you said interesting. You said you aren’t their priority. But honestly for most adults their friends might not be the first priority in life. I have a couple of good friends and I care for them but if I was asked to prioritize people and things in my life, they’d not be on the very top. I wonder how realistic is your expectation of importance of hanging out with friends.
I also wonder if you subconsciously sabotage your connection to people/push them away before it even starts by over sharing from the get go. Like you are setting up stage for them to start avoiding you. Telling people that you were kicked out from bars or had DUIs could push someone away before they even know you. But it’s also possible you do it due to anxiety. Oversharing is common in those cases
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I understand that I’m not their priority. They shouldn’t lie & say they’ll get back to me then ignore me though. That’s rude. Forgeting to do so is understandable, but doing it 3 or 4 times is no accident. It’s intentional.
So, what should I do? What would you do if you were me? I’m damned if I do & damned if I don’t. What’s wrong with what Bill suggested?
I thought it sounded good. I thought it was a good way to set boundaries & not let people treat you with disrespect.
I keep on getting disrespected & I’m NOT OK with that. I have already been flaked on 3 times in a row by that one lady & will probably be flaked on a 4th time as she said she’d her back to me again & she ignored me again so far! Rude!
I understand that she’s busy, but 4 times in a row? That’s ridiculous! Don’t you think? What would you do if you were me? Give her a chance or give up on her? This constant busy excuse is sounding more & more like I’m being blown off.
It sounds like she is giving me a hint to stop contacting her.
As for oversharing, I didn’t mean to do that. The conversation just took a turn down that path & the other lady asked me a question I kind of got stuck answering reluctantly. I could’ve lied, but I didn’t.
I didn’t just blurt it out, lol. I honestly don’t overshare to much to often these days except for on here obviously, lol.
Most people I meet tell me a lot more personal things than I tell them. This one lady told me a few personal things about herself. One of them is that she’s a nudist during our second meeting. I’m not judging her btw.
See what I mean? lol. So at times I slip & reveal things too when they open up to me, but I normally don’t do that to often.
I’ll try to be a lot more careful from now on though. Btw, I never told anyone that I got kicked out of a bar & only one lady knows. about my DUI.
We were talking about drinking & driving & she eventually asked me if I ever got a DUI. I didn’t exactly volunteer that info.
Honestly, almost every single person I’ve met has treated me like I’m a free therapist & it’s irritating most of the time. I’m rarely asked much about myself. Most people don’t really seem to care about me at all. It’s all about what they can get from me & it’s disgusting.
I’ll just get a few ‘crumbs’ thrown my way here & there. I need a lot more then that though. Most people are very selfish it seems like. Or at least the people I tend to attract. I don’t expect that much.
I’m so sick of these mostly one sided friendships to where I do almost all of the initiating. I feel like I’m merely being tolerated most of the time.
I’m probably going to give up 100% on even trying anymore very soon.