Just a small update - we saw the therapist together and I am very relieved that I heard nothing new or surprising. That does not mean it is positive news, I still hear that he is done, nothing can be done to save our marriage, and the like, but I was not blindsided so I feel good about that. Surprisingly, his attitude towards me has been slightly better. Both my personal therapist and this therapist have suggested giving him more space so I am planning to do that. This therapist we saw together told me to stop doing stuff for him, in front of him, so I felt like that was good to be given permission to make an active effort not to care-take him. He is still completely emotionally detached not just from me, but from our kids, his own family, and everyday life. I'm glad we saw her so we can have someone work with us to figure everything out, and I think she was pretty even handed so that is good. I still hate everything about this situation for me and my kids, but I guess we're all in a lot of therapy so hopefully that has some effect and will help us.
I hope you are hanging in there, it is so hot here and I am ready for fall.