I messed up in a ''phone'' conversation. Well, maybe not exactly messed up. But I feel as if I have. It's someone I care about and trust. They have been going through a lot of very hard things. I don't want to say what those hard things are. Now I feel like ****. Why can't I be perfect? Why can't I say the right things? Why are those ****ing ******* (irl) so casually cruel and incompetent I don't feel it would be helpful to give more details. Not right now, and maybe not at all. I was accused of ''whining'' by some A hole and I do not delight in being so maligned when I was speaking My Truth about the deplorable ''care''...... (irl)

Has anyone experienced similar? Probably not since I've given so few details. I hope the person will be ok. I think they will....

I sometimes try to ''rescue'' others. I guess I fit some label or other associated with that.

Maybe I should have ''rescued'' my mother (when I was very little) from the Father. Maybe I should have been perfect, then they might have loved me....

I definitely Should have been Perfect when I was a slightly older child...

A therapist ''hated'' me too That therapy was supposed to be a ''corrective'' emotional experience. It was anything but that. Like those who were my primary ''care'' givers seemed to ''hate'' me. Or were indifferent.....

One of the four F's (Pete Walker)

Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn

I have CPTSD.

Anyone relate to any of this?

I know this post is all over the place. I hope someone can make sense of my deplorable messed up post.

PS. Our friend, she died