Last night, it was wonderful to come home. Nothing had changed with her, but everything changed with me. I felt calm, relaxed, and loving.

We talked about the leaking shower head, the need for tires on one car and just life and living in general.

For the first time since this kicked off with the breakup text on July 2, 2023, i feel at peace and like it's totally cool, no matter what happens.

I did tell her that i think her previous suggestions, about starting to separate some of the household bills, was smart, like car insurance, cell phone plans, but not in a rush.

She kinda flipped out a little.

She had told me that my presence there was painful, (because she sees how we started and where we are at now) so i offered to leave if that would help her heal.

She said, "Not even through all of this have i seriously considered splitting up the car insurance and phone plan, but you are so cold and calculating Machiavellian that you already have it all planned out. I spoke out of anger.

I told you i had no love for you when i was hurt and checked out.

I wanted the divorce, not to be away from you, but to divorce the painful memories. And everyday, you hurt me all over again with your words.

And, since I've woke up from being checked out, i have not told you once that i wanted to be away from you, i just need time to heal and you have to know where everything is going and try to control it and you won't give me time or peace.

But, now, you have revealed your plan to leave and i know that its coming and i know i have to scramble to find a way to replace the income, because you, this flip-flop person, just isn't dependable, but I'll be ok. You go and do what your heart desires."

I said, "I just feel like its wise to have a Plan B. I'm still here. Ive never left.

4 years we didn't make out or make love and i stayed. Yes, i got angry because i couldn't figure it out. Yes it hurt. Yes it destroyed my self-esteem, starved me for love, but my loyalty and the value of my word bound me.

No matter what i say, you interpret something different, something i could have never imagined when i said it to you.

I think we need to just stop talking.

It doesn't make anything better.

Im just going to go to my room and work on me. The person inside of me who is terrified and who flip-flops from vulnerability to self-protection.

This is all just too crazy to figure out."