Hey again.

Again, that's really good that the counselor wasn't terrible. Your hesitation is completely understandable, not knowing what to expect, but it sounds like she was relatively objective and fair- all things considered.

Your personal counselor sounds like she's good too.

It's nice of you to give him some benefit of the doubt and see that he may become emotionally overwhelmed and say things he doesn't mean. That's a fact for some people with mental health/personality disorders. At the same time though, they still have to take responsibility for their actions and words, because they are technically adults. It may be helpful if you are able to see his limitations though. For me, this often looks like not over-engaging with dh if he's acting in emotional and baiting ways (immaturity). I see the uncontrolled child and separate from it for everyone's sake. Sometimes you alone have to be the adult in the room…

Actions can definitely speak louder than words. It might also help to make notes in a journal, if you don't already. That way you won't forget what happened as one thing morphs into another.

I respect your not wanting to pursue a divorce at present. Your situation is unique to you. As I've said before, my situation is a lot more complex than what's been posted on the forums. There are many, many reasons why I'm still where I am. But at the same time, you can start rebuilding your sense of self, and deciding what boundaries you need for yourself while you're still in the situation. If he's going to do something that makes the relationship lopsided and uncomfortable, you can decide for yourself what you need to balance it out and make it comfortable for you.

How is that to try and figure out how it would be to live together, but separately with your spouse? Have you come up with concrete ideas of how to navigate that? I can only send hugs, as it's difficult to imagine how you manage that sort of thing.

It sounds like yours may put his needs ahead of the childrens', which mine also does, and is hard for me to understand. Like, one of your main jobs at this point is to parent your children and set the good example, so sometimes you need to backburner yourself- mine can't do that for her sake, never could very effectively. It was surprising, as before she was born, I couldn't have imagined him being so self focused at the expense of his child

Would leaving for a week actually be realistic for you? It wouldn't be for me. Don't feel bad if you can't physically leave for even a short time, this is again that individual life thing that others may not fully understand.

No idea what's going on with my dh. It looks a little like cycles of bipolar, with predictable highs in late winter and summer, and a bad depression in the spring. Other times of the year are predictable too, but not quite as extreme. The counselor and psychiatrist asked him if he had trouble sleeping and he said no, so they automatically ruled out bipolar or cyclothymia, and didn't ask any more questions about the behaviors in question . So far, this year hasn't been as bad as last year, probably because his physical health isn't quite as good right now, and last year he was on antidepressants that escalated the hypomania. But the doctors tell me to mind my own business and not try to find problems with him, so that's all I can do right now…

Hope that you have a peaceful weekend. Hoping the same for myself…. Dh finally told me the other day that he's still waiting on his test results, so he's undoubtedly stressed about that.

Thinking of you and hope it's going okay.