(((Hugs)))

I seriously wish I knew something wise to say, but don't.

Getting your head wrapped around the subtle abuses is very, very hard. It can take a lot of time.

When it comes to covert narcissism, there's such a strange gap between what was real, and what was merely perception. For so long, I (dumbly) assumed that dh and I were on the same page. Then the reality comes to light that wasn't true. The covert narcissist plays you by omission, by NOT correcting your perceptions, but by using them against you.

And the conditionalness of what they do is so painful to come to terms with. The narc doesn't love someone for who they are, they give positive reenfocement for giving the narc what they want. Oh the trauma bond...

A friend once told me that getting your "reality goggles" is the best and worst day of your life. You now see the truth, which hurts but validates, but you can't unsee it for even a little while, which hurts just as bad or worse.

Healing takes a lot of time Especially when the situation is so messy.

I'm sorry to hear that you're having all that physical pain. Please take care of yourself. You deserve to be treated kindly and gently, and do that for yourself if no one else will. Got some epsom salts for a good bath maybe?

Hang in there.