Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3
I'm really sorry for the severe pain.
Thank you. It's been a huge and tumultuous week for me. The pain, unbearable most of the time.
Could she have gotten something out of having you around? Something that she has not gotten for three years now?
I just cannot be sure. In between trying to deal with my stuff and all the memories resurfacing, it's hard to know what the truth is. I can only assume she is struggling no longer having all the things I was to her and used to be. It's up to her to come to terms with me no longer being those things for her that I never should have been. It makes me feel like that's all I'm really good for with her but hopefully one day she comes to realise that I am not and will never again be those things for her. In the meantime, it's a heavy and painful weight on my heart to feel like that was all I was ever good for.
Could there be some reason in the present that she is mad at you, such that she wants to hurt you by bringing up something that happened three years ago?
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Again, I can only assume here. If that is the case, she knew three years ago how much pain I was in because I told her. I got absolutely no response at all. I gave it time but there was just nothing. I chose to leave my hometown. It was the right thing to do for me. I was 40 years old and I didn't need permission to go. I cut contact completely. She completely failed to look at the reasons why I may have decided that and was just very angry it appears. Her words were, how do you think I felt when you left without a word? I told her I wasn't thinking about how she would feel or be feeling. I was thinking about myself and my pain. For me it was very confusing because all I have been showed and told was that I wasn't loved and that I was a bother to have around in so many ways. It's like she couldn't grasp the impact her choices, her behaviour,her abuse cost me. I had reached a point in my life where I was done with it all and had enough. It wasn't just in my mind, I felt it with every single part of me. I couldn't take anymore.