I think you got in a habit of automatically accepting whatever your wife says as TRUTH. I think, maybe, you thought that the best way to hold on to this woman was to accept as valid any criticism she flung at you and then bust a gut trying to do, or not do, whatever would lead to her being satisfied.

The problem is that she remains unsatisfied. I don't think your wife knows herself why she is so dissatisfied. There's probably nothing to be gained by arguing with her. You'll never win. She doesn't even have a solid position that you can argue against because she stands on shifting sands. She contradicts herself left and right. Instead, maybe you could try a new way of being a little more assertive. Try not accepting her premise, without doing much more than that. Like, if she says, "You broke my spirit." try saying, "I'm not sure I accept that I broke your spirit." Then just stop right there. Don't follow up with a bunch of reasons and arguments. Just let that simple statement hang in the air. Don't give her anything to push back against.

This forces you both to slow down and think. She might then recite a litany of past behaviors of yours that she wants to criticize. Don't defend those behaviors. Instead say, "I don't think I accept that my doing that broke your spirit." Just stick to that, and don't say much else.

You started this thread telling us how you went and destroyed your wife's spirit. If that's true, then you probably are a terrible person who probably doesn't deserve to be loved. But I highly doubt the original premise. First of all, I don't think this is a woman with "a broken spirit." She's not the one going around with low self-esteem. She's may be dissatisfied with her life. Well - she can join the club. Life is pretty dissatisfying, a lot of the time, for a lot of us. I joined this web site because I struggle with recurring depression. Nobody "broke my spirit." This ain't no rose garden we're living in. Not for any of us. Even if there were cracks in her spirit, it doesn't automatically follow that this or that behavior of yours is what put them there. I do not accept that you playing in a band (or whatever else you want to insert here) "broke her spirit." You need to stop automatically accepting whatever assertion she happens to pull out of her behind. As a student of Law, you are trained in logic. She's prone to very illogical thinking. You do her no favor, when you endorse whatever she says, just because you think that's a good way to keep the peace. That's you being all squishy and weak. Women feel insecure around weak men.

Her mind goes off in all kinds of ridiculous tangents. She needs you to hold up the stop sign and say, "Nope. I'm not going there with you. Believe that if you will, but I'm not endorsing that." Then, say nothing. That would actually be therapeutic for her.