I never wanted to be a mom. I dont think i ever had a mom. I would not know how to be a mom, or have the patience or attention span it seems to require. I didnt even know how to play house when i was a kid. I remember one time, i hit my dolly (speaking in italian - omg how cute was i?!), then the game was over - the other kid (a younger cousin maybe?) was kinda horrified, and my mother pulled me away.

I was told to sit on the couch and not move until my mother got out of bed at noonish. There i taught myself to read from a big book of fairytales. Later i was promoted to sitting at the dining room table so i could play with my crayons. Basically no interaction on a daily basis between me and my mother, except that we were in the same house. Once in a while she would cut my toenails with freezing cold nailclippers. My dad gave me a bath once a week on friday or saturday night. I would go with her when she shopped for dresses and shoes for special occasions - i was the zipper-upper. Thats it. I made my own cold cereal, my own sandwiches, my brother made my toast. I remember many nights lying awake with a stuffed nose. I called for a parent once and was told to never do that again because they had to sleep for work.

The old hungarian lady next door yelled at my mother for leaving me in my crib all day long. Like once a summer, she would invite me over and give me a butterscotch candy. My dad would walk us to a city park in the evening, not as frequently as i wanted.

Once i started walking to school by myself (3rd grade), things opened up and i started going to day camp and the city library, all about 5 blocks away from my house but in different directions. And the shopping center. Often with a neighbor girl, but like the library was usually a weekly solo trip. In 5th grade, 5 blocks in yet another direction to buy my feminine supplies.

No parental helicoptering! I got all A's, so they never attended any parent-teacher conferences. Summer i was 16, she told me WE were going to Italy, tickets were BOUGHT. I told her *I* can't go, im taking drivers ed. How could she not have known that? She really only started interfering in my life when it was "time to get married". And i lived unhappily ever after.