Yeah I stayed up until 4:30am - I got 4 hours of sleep, walked into work super tired. So I drank 3x cups of coffee, constant work for 3 hours, then left at noon.

I feel very awake now though. I had a shower, got ready, refilled meds into the med box etc. I ran out of a pain med (Which was planned - Just wanted a bit of endorphins for a while). I took the afternoon 20mg Dexedrine and 75mg of pregabalin + a small microdose. I haven't used ket in over a week - Mood is pretty good (I can still get suicidal at odd times).

I started the 5mg of olanzepine again (For a week), and will now just use it as PRN again, and take a 3mg Invega pill (Every day, at 5pm). Cuz I've gained weight, and prefer to not have that happen, and prevent insulin resistance/tolerance.

It's my birthday, and I have to talk to my autist kitty gf (With AvPD) - She just writes a lot, and it's tiring. I made it clear, that I need to be productive and alone until I feel more secure with my mind/life.

I had a good visit with my dad - We stayed up until 1am, talking.. At one point, I was just talking, for like 15 minutes straight (And he was just listening) - He says that my mind isn't deteriorating. I could.. become a millionaire, somehow. I don't like my job. I wish I were like him, and could be spontaneous, say anything to anyone.. Maybe be threatening (In some way) - So people wouldn't pick on me at work. My mom says that I'm able to work full time, but really - That makes me think of suicide even more.

My dad left, and I felt really sad - But it's all okay.. I just wish people listened to me, about the inter dimensions...

My mom will bring a cake and pizza, and we'll hang out outside with a few people - Then I'll go to sleep earlier (Or at least I'll try - My mental state is so different at night. It's addictive to stay up longer, and time goes by so fast).