Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that you are, indeed, too needy. (I'm not saying you are, but let's just assume that you are . . . for the moment.) What kind of friend comes around and throws that in your face? Every single one of us is too something-or-another. But when we are relating to those we care about, we find ways around that. If someone I love is a bit on the needy side, I find ways to manage that . . . like maybe I won't be available for a 2 hour long phone call everyday. Vice versa, this person might find that I'm a procrastinator who's always late for everything. So, if she needs me to show up at 2 p.m., she might tell me to come by at 1:30 p.m., since she's allowing for a tendency she knows I have. We allow for each other's faulty inclinations. Love and goodwill leads us to do that in ways that are kind and charitable. I do that for others, and I need them to do that for me. We all have our tendencies that need reining in.
I think that was a beeyitchee thing for your friend to say, regardless of whether it was true or not true. It is callous to throw a judgement like that in someone's face. Of course, it is hurtful. And it was unnecessary. There are other, more humane ways of setting a limit, if she thought you were imposing too much on her. But she didn't care enough to be bothered.
Quite honestly, you have never struck me as an attention hound. Just the opposite. Sometimes what a person blurts out, by way of criticism, says more about them than about you. But I understand how you could take that to heart and feel despondent about it. I would too.
I had a friend who used to offer me all kinds of "constructive criticism." She would end by saying, "I'm telling you this because that's what friends are for - to tell you what you need to be told." I put up with it for years. Last year I'ld had it. I don't see her anymore. Other people who knew her told me that she could be very arrogant, which she was.
We all have times of need. Friends have options for how they can respond. Saying something hurtful is not the option a real friend chooses.
|
Thanks Rose. I had a ''friend'' who used to offer me all kinds of ''constructive criticism'' too. It was just mean though actually. She said the ''too needy''' thing, and other so called ''insights'' into me. No thanks! She seemed to think she knew just that little bit more than others. She loved to put everyone into a little box with a label of her selection on the lid. I suppose there were a few who she deemed to be ''worthy'' for some unknown reason and so they maybe received fewer of her negative projections.
I've heard from others that she was the same with them, haughty, arrogant, with so much ''insight'' into others, but very little into herself.
I completely agree, saying something hurtful is not the option a real friend uses. Maybe an ''immature'' or very young person might. But a so called ''mature'' person (over 30 or 35)? None of my real friends have ever said I'm ''too needy''. I would be more than happy to ''move on'' from that person and any other fake ''friends'' who used to clutter up my life.
That awful therapist said (when he was bored with me) ''you were a needy child and your needs weren't met''...
Just that. One of his many callous, inane, no insight statements.
If he had said that at the beginning of the ''therapy'' I wouldn't have fed his fat wallet for years. What a JERK. What a ridiculous ''insight''
What young child is NOT ''needy''.....
And my parents were abusive and extremely emotionally neglectful throughout my childhood.
A friend who lives in the same area was severely neglected when very young (as I was). A therapist she consulted said ''there is not a ''cure'' for neglect before the age of 4''... and discharged my friend. (after a few months) wtf??