Wrapping your head around stuff like this takes a long time IME. It's an actual factual grieving process that includes denial at times.

Denial is a safety mechanism, if you didn't know that. It keeps us from getting to a point where we are so overwhelmed that we have a complete mental breakdown.

It doesn't sound like you're considering contacting her, but rather like maybe you are struggling and bouncing around mentally in an effort to make sense of it all?

You sound so overwhelmed right now. Something I'm guilty of, and maybe you are too, is getting way too ahead of myself. It's really easy to imagine down the road and try to guess all the awful things that might happen, whether it's long term loneliness, kids not getting to go to college, or financial problems. Those are all real issues, but most of them are solvable in their own time, and not something to think about when you're feeling otherwise distressed. You'll just get increasingly overwhelmed.

Can you pull back just to today, and focus on having everything you need today? You have a place to live, food to eat, your kids are okay, etc. Just breath and do today. Don't worry about tomorrow.

Tomorrow, just focus on having what you need tomorrow.

There will be plenty of time to solve other problems once you feel a little more like you have your feet back underneath you. Just breath and take it one day at a time. or even just an hour at a time if need be. The addicts aren't wrong about this approach

Hang in there