That's what she's claiming now. Don't depend on her for telling you her real reasons for anything. She stuck around for quite a while after you were performing. Like you said, it paid for expensive home renovations. Now, suddenly, she cannot abide you playing in the band. Sounds fishy to me. She never even brought this up years ago? Back then something could have been negotiated . . .like, if she wanted to agree on how many hours a week you could spend out with the band.

I don't doubt that she now resents you doing anything that you find fulfilling. For those 3 hours in So. Calif., you weren't obsessing over her. That's what she can't abide. I think this lady is quite disturbed. That may become clearer with time. She's handled this whole business of breaking up in whatever way she can make it most painful for you. Don't be surprised if she gets kinda lovey-dovey again. That will be so she can enjoy the thrill of pulling out the rug from under you again.

Admittedly, I don't know this woman . . . but the narrative you relate has an odd, perverse consistency to it.

There's an odd consistency in your behavior too. You keep wanting to see her as the arbiter of what is true. Some things you have to figure out for yourself.